I don't want to send my child away from me

Most mothers face this phase in their life. The child who used to run after her, could not do anything without her help has now to leave to pursue studies or leave home for a job. It is not easy for a mother to see her helpless child stuggle.

How is he going to survive? What will my child eat? These thoughts can be very depressing to any mother. This is a very common maternal instinct. Somehow the attachment with the child is so deep that it saddens a mother to think of him striving for his daily needs.

I have two grown up children, so when my daughter left for university, I did'nt go to drop her but for almost a week I cried holding her clothes in my arms. My eyes would start watering the moment I would see her favorite mug with red stars on it. Imagining how she would cope in her new life made my heart heavy. But, she was fine, yes, called me more initially how home sick she was and that made me cry more. After some time, she had made new friends and moulded herself into the new environment.

I vividly remember, the scene still fresh in my mind, the moment I went to drop my son at his university. It pained me, my throat choked and I wanted time itself to stop. I clung to him and did not want to leave. Though I had made all arrangements for his food till such time as the dining facility started functioning, my instructions never stopped. Listen, eat your food on time, anything you need just let us know. I left and looked back to get most of his last glimpse and could see him standing alone gently waving us. I cried and cried the way back home. My eyes are moist and my throat is choking even as I write this so many yeras later.
A few years later I confided in my son telling him how I cried after I left him and I was shocked when he said, "mamma, I went into the room and cried a lot too"!

I knew my children were entering an unknown territory, entering into a world in which they had to survive. I had to leave them to fend on their own, for that is how they were going to learn and cope with the world. Initial hesitations are so natural but many a times we underestimate our children. They cope better than us!

It is like throwing a child in a pool of water so that he at least makes the effort of kicking and paddling. If, I do not let him into the world how will he withstand the pressures of  the world later on? I also stress that our responsibility is not over once they leave home. Infact, initially they might need your moral support even more. Make them feel that you are always with them and you would be there whenever they need you. Moral support can do wonders. It gives additional confidence to your child.

The parting is not at all easy for a parent or even for the child but a determination is all that is needed. Sending your child away does not mean that you love him less. Infact, I have noticed many a times that the children who continue to stay with their parents are slightly under confident, finding it impossible to make decisions. The reason probably being that we parents make all decisions for them. "Oh, come on, you dont know but this is not good for you", or "you dont know, I am the mother, I know you better"!

Honestly, within a short time you would be surprised how your child has matured and has adjusted to the "new" world into which he is going to trudge for the rest of his life, finding a comfortable niche for himself.

Achaari mathri

I can never get over the flavor of achari mathris of Kaleva in New Delhi. My stock was nearing to an end and I tried my best to replicate the produce.  Not having to accept defeat, I broke open one mathri and started writing all the flavors that hit me. 

I made few additions on it and came with something close to the flavor I wanted. Give it a try and I am sure you would find it impossible to resist the temptation of not having more.

Ingredients:

2 cups plain white flour

1/2 cup sooji /semolina

1 1/2  tsp salt

1/2 tsp turmeric powder

4 tbsp ghee or oil

2 tbsp mustard oil

1/2 tbsp lemon juice

1 tbsp sour pomegranate seeds (anardana)

1 tsp carom seeds /ajwain
1/2 tsp fennel seed powder/ saunf

1 tsp Cumin seeds

1 tbsp crushed coriander seeds /sabut dhaniya

1 tbsp crushed black peppercorns

a pinch of asafoetida

½ tbsp chilli or mango pickle

Method:

Put all the dry ingredients and mix together.

Add 6 tbsp of oil ( 4 tbsp ghee or oil plus 2 tbsp mustard oil).
Add lemon juice in water.

And make a stiff dough with warm water.  Let the dough rest for 20 minutes.

Roll and make mathris.  You can see the detailed method of making mathris from my earlier post on  Methi masala mathri.

Take the mathris put them on an absorbant paper.
Store them in an air tight container.

My Notes:
Do not skip adding raw mustard oil.
If you do not have any pickle at hand, increase the amount of lemon juice to 1 1/2 tbsp.

Floating villages in Siem Reap, Cambodia

Kompong PhlukJust 30 minutes before reaching Siem Reap, a small road leads to a cluster of floating villages. On the way, a crocodile farm sign can be seen.  Driving through an off beaten road you reach boat dock.
After paying an entrance fee and hiring a motor boat which you hire for an hour, the journey to floating villages begin.

motor boats ready to take you to villages

 Cambodia recieved very heavy rainfall that year and the area was badly flooded. There was just water everywhere. Paddy fields were all submerged in water.

Kampong Phluk was the first village we passed through. A school on stilts had just got over and children were going back home.

school in Kampong Phluk

Normal life activities can be seen in the village. Children playing, women either bathing or washing clothes. Pots with small plants adorn houses.

Boats are the only way of transport in these villages.

A place to grow fresh produce!

Enjoying munchies on way home from school

 A girls group prefers to go separately

Maneovering boats begins at a very early age

Televisions seem to be an important part of household, so TV antennas over these houses!

A floating house not on stilts.

Celebrations are part of everyday life and when you live over water, then functions are also held on boats.

A pig sty!

These are prawn and fish farming tanks.

A health center at another village, Chong Kneas.

Chong Kneas is another village and is the last floating village on this journey.

a floating house

parking for small boats

After the villages, start the mangrove forests. This is a parking for small boats which you need to hire and it takes you inside the mangroves.

The mangroves are humid with snakes and mosquitoes inside.

The darkness inside the mangroves was enough to put me off. These mangroove forests provide a perfect habitat for fish, water snakes, crocodiles, and are home to pelicans, storks and other water birds.

Soon after, one is greeted by a large expanse of water, the Tonle Sap.
Tonle Sap is the largest fresh water lake. It gets flooded during the rainy season which begins sometime in June and lasts till October. Mekong, the largest river in South-East Asia which begins from the Tibetan plateau and flows through  China, Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam before finally meeting into South China Sea.

Mekong flows from North to South for most of the year but surprisingly during the rainy season it starts flowing upwards, that is towards North. This flowing of water fills Tonle Sap. That is why it swells up during rainy season and shrinks during the dry season.

A watch tower

A police station 

Many people may have different perception about this set of floating villages. If you want to experience some thing different and have time then I would say it was a pleasant experience.

Is India that unsafe?

Whenever, I would call my mother or sister and after few exchanges the topic would shift to: " how unsafe is India". This really started made me think is India really that unsafe?
After the Nirbhaya case, I started pondering deep on the subject. Has India really become unsafe for women? My continuous dialogue with myself made me highlight many things which are happening in India now.

I got respite after I chanced to read this article in Time, the link of which I am attaching, Why Rape Seems Worse in India Than Everywhere Else (but Actually Isn’t),

But, then I wanted to be very clear about the statistics of crime in India versus rest of the world. Country vs country: India and United States compared: Crime stats. This links lets you compare and view crime statistics between any two countries. India ranked very low on rape and crime index.

India has a population of 1.2 billion people so proportionately the number of incidents are going to be more. This is simple statistics. But people fail to understand that concept and focus mainly on the raw numbers.  Its something like 1% of 300 million is 3 million but 1% of 1.2 billion is 9 million. You look at the figures and the first impression is wow 9 million- but in percentage terms it is exactly the same. This is the problem when people from countries with far samller populations look at India. It is difficult for most countries with small populations to even imagine 1.2 billion people.

India is at the verge of a massive social change. Whenever there is a change in society there is a rebound by the existing system. In India, women have become more educated, more confident and are not afraid of standing for their rights now. Earlier, women would quietly bear the brunt of men who were the breadwinners. She was not supposed to retaliate but the quality of a good wife or a girl was her tolerance of these issues. There was also no support from her family. She would often meekly accept her husband going to other woman or bringing his new young wife home.

The new generation girl knows her rights, has the confidence to go and even speak in public if she is exploited. She is not willing to suffer torture but walk out of the house to live her own life. The support from her parents is also increasing. They are more concerned about the happiness of their daughter. Women now come into the open and identify their culprits not bothering about the brunt of humiliaton.

Whenever there is a transition in society these things take place.  The number of rape cases, crime jump because of this transition in society. So, the same is now happening in India

Whenever there is a change, the turmoil in values, ethics all get confusing. Can Indian society accept the new form of this women? It will take some more time for the men to understand and accept women as an important and equal part of their life.