Most mothers face this phase in their life. The child who used to run after her, could not do anything without her help has now to leave to pursue studies or leave home for a job. It is not easy for a mother to see her helpless child stuggle.
How is he going to survive? What will my child eat? These thoughts can be very depressing to any mother. This is a very common maternal instinct. Somehow the attachment with the child is so deep that it saddens a mother to think of him striving for his daily needs.
I have two grown up children, so when my daughter left for university, I did'nt go to drop her but for almost a week I cried holding her clothes in my arms. My eyes would start watering the moment I would see her favorite mug with red stars on it. Imagining how she would cope in her new life made my heart heavy. But, she was fine, yes, called me more initially how home sick she was and that made me cry more. After some time, she had made new friends and moulded herself into the new environment.
I vividly remember, the scene still fresh in my mind, the moment I went to drop my son at his university. It pained me, my throat choked and I wanted time itself to stop. I clung to him and did not want to leave. Though I had made all arrangements for his food till such time as the dining facility started functioning, my instructions never stopped. Listen, eat your food on time, anything you need just let us know. I left and looked back to get most of his last glimpse and could see him standing alone gently waving us. I cried and cried the way back home. My eyes are moist and my throat is choking even as I write this so many yeras later.
A few years later I confided in my son telling him how I cried after I left him and I was shocked when he said, "mamma, I went into the room and cried a lot too"!
I knew my children were entering an unknown territory, entering into a world in which they had to survive. I had to leave them to fend on their own, for that is how they were going to learn and cope with the world. Initial hesitations are so natural but many a times we underestimate our children. They cope better than us!
It is like throwing a child in a pool of water so that he at least makes the effort of kicking and paddling. If, I do not let him into the world how will he withstand the pressures of the world later on? I also stress that our responsibility is not over once they leave home. Infact, initially they might need your moral support even more. Make them feel that you are always with them and you would be there whenever they need you. Moral support can do wonders. It gives additional confidence to your child.
The parting is not at all easy for a parent or even for the child but a determination is all that is needed. Sending your child away does not mean that you love him less. Infact, I have noticed many a times that the children who continue to stay with their parents are slightly under confident, finding it impossible to make decisions. The reason probably being that we parents make all decisions for them. "Oh, come on, you dont know but this is not good for you", or "you dont know, I am the mother, I know you better"!
Honestly, within a short time you would be surprised how your child has matured and has adjusted to the "new" world into which he is going to trudge for the rest of his life, finding a comfortable niche for himself.
How is he going to survive? What will my child eat? These thoughts can be very depressing to any mother. This is a very common maternal instinct. Somehow the attachment with the child is so deep that it saddens a mother to think of him striving for his daily needs.
I have two grown up children, so when my daughter left for university, I did'nt go to drop her but for almost a week I cried holding her clothes in my arms. My eyes would start watering the moment I would see her favorite mug with red stars on it. Imagining how she would cope in her new life made my heart heavy. But, she was fine, yes, called me more initially how home sick she was and that made me cry more. After some time, she had made new friends and moulded herself into the new environment.
I vividly remember, the scene still fresh in my mind, the moment I went to drop my son at his university. It pained me, my throat choked and I wanted time itself to stop. I clung to him and did not want to leave. Though I had made all arrangements for his food till such time as the dining facility started functioning, my instructions never stopped. Listen, eat your food on time, anything you need just let us know. I left and looked back to get most of his last glimpse and could see him standing alone gently waving us. I cried and cried the way back home. My eyes are moist and my throat is choking even as I write this so many yeras later.
A few years later I confided in my son telling him how I cried after I left him and I was shocked when he said, "mamma, I went into the room and cried a lot too"!
I knew my children were entering an unknown territory, entering into a world in which they had to survive. I had to leave them to fend on their own, for that is how they were going to learn and cope with the world. Initial hesitations are so natural but many a times we underestimate our children. They cope better than us!
It is like throwing a child in a pool of water so that he at least makes the effort of kicking and paddling. If, I do not let him into the world how will he withstand the pressures of the world later on? I also stress that our responsibility is not over once they leave home. Infact, initially they might need your moral support even more. Make them feel that you are always with them and you would be there whenever they need you. Moral support can do wonders. It gives additional confidence to your child.
The parting is not at all easy for a parent or even for the child but a determination is all that is needed. Sending your child away does not mean that you love him less. Infact, I have noticed many a times that the children who continue to stay with their parents are slightly under confident, finding it impossible to make decisions. The reason probably being that we parents make all decisions for them. "Oh, come on, you dont know but this is not good for you", or "you dont know, I am the mother, I know you better"!
Honestly, within a short time you would be surprised how your child has matured and has adjusted to the "new" world into which he is going to trudge for the rest of his life, finding a comfortable niche for himself.
My son leaves for college in september, I think Ill need a lot of blogs like these to help me through
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